Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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