I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize