I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
