He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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