He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
