So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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