There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
