I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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