He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
