Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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