I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Randomize