How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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