you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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