I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Randomize
