Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
