i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Randomize
