with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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