I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
