If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
