At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
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