I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Randomize
