I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
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