I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize