i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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