I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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