Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Randomize
