Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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