Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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