Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
