Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
