i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
