He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
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Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
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I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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