Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
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