Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
