I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize
