Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Randomize
