Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
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I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
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if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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