I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
