my vag is so smooth its legendary
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
