There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
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