Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
