oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
