capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
