why do cheetos always look like penises
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Sorry my hands just texted you
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
