you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I didn't notice because vodka
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
