so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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