It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I just gargled with NyQuil
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Randomize
