The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
