I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
