just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
