I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
