I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
You're completely useless in the revolution.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Randomize
