god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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