Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
