we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
