so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
