I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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