How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
