sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
