Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
