I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
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They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
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I need a burrito and a hug.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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