Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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