whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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