its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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