I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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