i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Randomize
