Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
