You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
