Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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