How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Randomize
