I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
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You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
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Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
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