I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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