apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
