I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
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