we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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